Learning to be Alone: The Reality of University Life as an International Student

Ong Li Jun

Weeb; daydreamer; aspiring lawyer. With a heart stronger than his motivation, Li Jun's passion in Malaysian politics resonates through his writing and terrible puns.

As an international student studying abroad, you often try to prepare as much as possible to get adjusted to the new environment. From classic university horror stories to advice from friends and relatives, preparation seems smooth until the actual experience kicks in. More often than not, you find yourself having to adapt to different situations on the fly that no amount of advice or preparation could save you from. This is the steep learning curve that everyone goes through when we become more independent. Having to rely on ourselves most of the time is especially true for international students studying abroad, as all forms of physical chains that confine us to our zone of comfort have been released. Once the dust has settled, the endless days of studying and preparing for exams begin. Between the hassle of improving our grades and balancing priorities in our life, we realise that we are alone most of the time with no one to rely on.

A recent study found that nearly 72% of international students experienced symptoms of loneliness since coming to the UK. Common findings include missing friends and families back home, having superficial relationships, and difficulty adapting to their new environment. This is further impacted by the Covid-19 pandemic, where students miss out on crucial events they would normally celebrate with people they know, such as traditional festivities or birthdays. Coupled with the fact that signs of anxiety and distress are often neglected on the surface, these feelings could quickly develop into depression and deteriorate one’s mental health.

The purpose of this article is not to suggest that nothing is being done to combat this issue. In fact, data indicates that universities have been treating this matter seriously over the years with increased awareness and student support available on campuses. However, the underlying truth is that there is only so much support one can receive without first realising that they are experiencing loneliness. This is worsened by the shame that most feel to acknowledge or share these emotions with people they already know, for the feeling of disconnect from their old self remains. Most of the time, we simply learn to deal with it ourselves by indulging in other responsibilities and keeping ourselves busy to not let our feelings catch up to us. Before we realise it, exhaustion hits, and we find ourselves at a roadblock that we may never recover from.

Learning to be alone is an independent approach to realising that life in university is never as glorious or fun as dramas and social media make it out to be. The majority of the time, interaction is nonexistent unless we make an active effort to pursue new relationships. Whether it be through group work or societies, independent work is inevitable due to the method of learning pursued by most western universities. To work alone is to learn to be alone and to be comfortable with being by ourselves most of the time. Humans are inherently social creatures, that is an undeniable truth. The correlation between international students adapting to the new method of learning with loneliness isn’t obvious from mere data, but it is a subjective element that is represented by the haunting feeling of having to adapt and keep up with an unfamiliar studying method.

The common factor of loneliness among most university students is having a lack of friends. This is especially true for people with social anxiety and introversion, as making friends becomes harder than for normal people. Studies have shown that accommodation matters towards the particular feeling of loneliness, whereby those who live by themselves experience significantly higher levels of isolation than those with friends or families. There is no easy fix for problems like these because many factors contributing to loneliness are contextual and depend on personal issues. What matters is how much effort one is willing to push to bring themselves out of the fixed situation they are in.

Culture ultimately influences how a person adapts to a new environment and overcomes loneliness. A 2004 study outlines the difference in loneliness experienced between students from Canada and Czech being heavily affected by their background. One discussion focused on the difference in the level of competitiveness between the two nations, other than the ones outlined above, that the more highly competitive universities often leave students with more distant relationships with friends. It also greatly strains those without great economic background from having to work part-time and pressures them by wanting to excel in their studies.

There is no direct cure for loneliness, but there are ways to alleviate its symptoms. UCAS suggests reaching out to support teams and being more involved in societies to surround oneself with more friends and activities. Setting more realistic goals allows one to take the pressure off from wanting to overperform, and gives time to take a step back to have a breather. International student societies are a great example of connecting with people coming from different backgrounds, which provides a platform for support. The greatest message, however, is to seek professional help whenever the sense of impending loneliness starts to take its toll. The findings of a research article state: “As loneliness is a pervasive experience in this population and has been found to be conducive to psychological distress, any effort to improve students’ mental health and well-being and prevent mental health problems requires strategic responses to this challenge from academic institutions.”

Being alone is all part of the process of maturing and learning to be comfortable with one’s own company. It should be made aware that a more proactive approach towards loneliness among international university students should be undertaken by both the academic institutions and the student body.

References

Learning to be Alone: The Reality of University Life as an International Student

Ong Li Jun

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